


Alcor Works in an Office

by SalTheCat



Category: Transendence AU - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-19 19:44:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18977122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SalTheCat/pseuds/SalTheCat
Summary: Prompt: Alcor works in an office and deals with typical petty office politics. It started out as a prank but now oh god, Karen is leaving passive-aggressive notes in his summoning circle about the printer he didn't mean to use the colour modeFrom and for the Transcendence AU fic spreadsheet





	Alcor Works in an Office

Prompt: Alcor works in an office and deals with typical petty office politics. It started out as a prank but now oh god, Karen is leaving passive-aggressive notes in his summoning circle about the printer he didn't mean to use the colour mode

A/N: Never worked in an office so I’m mostly basing this off of Dilbert, the experiences of my family, and what I, as a person with no social skills, thinks a office would be like.

It had started as a prank.  
Dipper had been bored for the last few months, between Mizars and with nothing to do.  
Lucy Ann was who-knows-where doing who-knows-what,  
His Flock was getting sick and tired of him sitting with them for hours and bitching about his problems  
The latest anti-demon sentiments were rising, and no one had summoned him for a while now which meant he didn’t even have any cults to teach a lesson.  
How many times did he have to tell them, ‘don’t sacrifice your own kind to demons’ ‘you are a stupid enough race as it is, you don’t need to kill off more brain cells’ ‘children especially are Ņ̵̢̮̩͔̯̮̭̺̩̼̬̘̬̼̟̭͎̠̹̠̻͚̗̦̥͉̠̩̜̺̪̫̦͈̭̖̥̳̥̔́̽̒̃̌͒̿̾̈́͐̃̓͒͗̐͜͜ͅͅo̸̧̨̢̧̻̦̱͚̪̳͎̯͖̝̰̜͔̻̖̻̠͕͈͈͎̺̺̲͈̺̱͈̖̼͆͂͗̍̔͂͐̾̅̇̕̕͜ͅͅt̷̡̧̧̼̯̭̻̜̙̩̝̺̖̪̪̻̲̗̥̗̗̣̩̮̉͗̎͊͌͑̇͐͑̿͜͠ to be sacrificed to me’  
Honestly.  
Great he was ‘forgetting how to human’ again.  
Falling into those demonic thought patterns again. If Mizar were here she would laugh and call him a dork.  
He missed her already.  
But that was beside the point. He was going to get a Job!  
He eventually decided on a boring database job in an office that refused to update it’s tech to the latest magi-tech. It was just above minimum wage, probably had an staff of minor sociopaths and idiots who couldn’t get anything better, and was mind-numbingly boring.  
Perfect.  
At the interview, they were delighted to hire him, despite his lack of a college degree (he had never even really gotten a chance to finish high school, but they didn’t need to know that) apparently no one wanted to work there.  
He couldn’t imagine why.  
The next day, wearing a holographic nametag declaring his name was “Tyrone Spruce” and his favorite suit he arrived at the office ten minutes before his shift, set up a picture of him and Mabel on his desk, stashed some pickled liver bits that the Flock had made for him in a drawer, and pulled out his relic of a phone and propped it on the desk.  
(“Hi Dad!”)  
“Hello Son”  
(“How are you”)  
“I just got a job! I’m gonna need you to stay kinda quiet during the day okay? And after work guess what we’ll do?”  
(“Ducktective Marathon!!!”)  
“You got that right. Have a good day son, love you!”  
(“Bye dad!”)  
The screen went dark.  
His new coworkers started arriving, grumbling about how early in the morning it was and how Al-V had wrecked their computers last night. He made a mental note to tell his wonderful, havoc-wreaking son later just what a good job he was doing. He deserved a Ducktective marathon.  
One lady marched right up to him and, glaring pointedly at his nametag, asked “your name?”  
“Tyrone Spruce”  
She shook his hand. “Karen, just Karen. No Karey, No Kare, no nicknames. Just Karen. Got it?” without waiting for him answer she announced “I will be your manager to start off, at least until you prove your worthy of someone better” Her snort explained that she certainly did not think ‘better’ of her higher ups. “When you are under my guidance in a project I expect you to meet ALL expectations and follow ALL instructions. Is that understood?”  
“Yep” Dipper replied cheerfully, looking her in eye with a grin just a bit to large for his face.  
He was given a tour of the office by a disgruntled Karen, annoyed that someone didn’t immediately wilt under her glare.  
At lunchtime he cheerfully pulled out his pickled liver bits and trotted to the department lunchroom to eat. Karen marched right up to him. “Did you steal my lunch?”  
“Of course not” he shot back defensively. Maybe a bit too defensively.  
His coworkers were giving him suspicious looks all through lunch.  
One even pulled her lunch ever-so-slightly away from him when she sat down.  
Though that may have been the slightly bloody liver bits he happily ate.

He was later assigned a project, a simple white sheet of paper dictating the data he was supposed to enter, where he could find it, and it’s ‘suggested’ formatting. Not even a digital display.  
Just then, Karen stuck her head in his cubicle.  
“Meeting, Tyrone.” Then promptly left. He sighed and got up to follow her.  
20 minutes full of unproductive arguing, poustering, and barely concealed insults later, Dipper was so bored he resorted to playing checkers with Al-V on his phone until he felt the insistent tug of summoning, too strong to send to the answering machine. With a sigh, he drifted to his feet, ignoring the shocked gasps from his coworkers as he allowed his human disguise to dissipate back into pointed ears, fangs, and glowing gold-on-black eyes.  
“̶͙̌̕̕Ş̵̧̡̪̝̖̦̯͙̦̰͌̿ǫ̸̡̠̟͕̪͕̳̋̽̄̆̑̌́̎̍̕͝r̸̨̢͈̖͚̰̩͍̹͎͔͙̓̓̑̈́͘͠r̶̨͇̞̫͕͎̜̮̘̲͚̯̻̠̈́̐͂́̇̃̋͜ÿ̵̠̼̫̻̮̩͙̲͖̣̗͚̪͚́͛̿̃̍̐̋͆̿̆͘͠,̴̛͉̝̟͉̖͑͒̈̽̆̐̂͆́͑̀Ģ̴͔̟̤̙͚̲̹̓̈́͌͊̉͆͛̑ô̴͕̹̻̤͉̯̙͉̝͚̬̰̦͌̇̏̈͆͜t̷̡̛̟͕̤͓̻̝̳͍͋̾͑̈́́̄̿̾͗̈͗͠͠͠ͅ a̵͉̜̞̜̥͔̟̭̘̦͂͆͛̂̂͒͌͋͗͘̕̕ ş̴̺̟̫͊̔̃̄̓͋̎͑͜u̶̞̗̓̎̾̑̿͑͂͗̑͛̄͌͐m̵̥͈̙̼͕͎͓͇̠͐̀̀͆̏̓̽̏̓͝ṁ̶̧̲̫̞̱̩̪̺̥̠͔̟̣͂̔̈́̑̿̍̑̓̀̈́͌͆̏o̴̩̰͚͓͈̊͋̊̓̒͛͋n̴̺̭͙̱̪̮͑͋̅͐̽̀͑̑͝i̷̢̢̡̺̟̭̪͖̞̼͊͠n̶̡̘̤͇̿̎̎̒̈́̇͐͝͠g̵̺͇̲̤̔̉̄̃͂̋͐͗̊̽.̷͇̰͚͎̖̱͉̯͍͖̰̠̳͇͈̂̋̃̈̑̌̒̇͋̀̈́̓͒̓͝ B̵͒̽̓̍̌͐͝e̷̘̎ ḃ̶̡̗͉͓̯̱̍̋͆́̔͛͋̄̉͝a̷̠̜͓͆̆c̸̛͚̙͛̍̎k̶̛̓͒̿̀̄̓͂̎̊͠ ṣ̷̢̹͎͎̭̰̾ơ̷̳̣͖̳̳͎͙͇͉̞͔͠ŏ̷̢̦̱̼̭̗͖̹̹̺͋̔̅͠n̸̙̩̟̲͙͎͎̞͐!̵̰̩̤͔̻̣̠̬̎̍̐̇̃̈́̚̕”̴̢̨̻̖̩͕͖̲̒̄  
He blipped away with a little ‘pop’ and appeared in the circle with his customary greeting.

He blipped back to his cubicle 15 minutes later, after a very successful summoning by a cult. They had sacrificed any people to him, lucky for them, and we wasn’t In the mood to screw them over, so he had played nice and acquired several rare books for his trouble. Karen poked her head in the office warily then yelped and ran off. Dipper rolled his eyes. Dramatics, and started to work on entering the data. Ten minutes later he heard a cough and saw a mini task force of security guards and nosy office personnel.  
They eventually reached an agreement, as apparently his bosses were desperate enough to hire a demon. Dipper would get to keep working as long as he agreed not to harm anyone. Full of loopholes but what the heck, he was bored enough not to exploit them.  
Satisfied that was taken care of, he continued to input the data. When it was done, he printed it out and turned it into the bin outside Karen’s cubicle. Glancing at the clock, he was surprised to see that the work day had been over for five minutes already. How the time had flown.

Blipping back to his Flock, he sat down happily on the grass in his own personal section on the mindscape, and began happily chattering away to Ershie and Groknar the Destroyer about his day when it hit him.  
Uggghhh. He wasn’t supposed to print the data in color!  
Ershie noticed his surprise and baaad a question. “I just did something wrong, no big deal” Dipper replied. Feeling the insistent tug of a summoning, (two in one day? really?) he rose to his feet and announced “I’ll be right back. Then, Ducktective Marathon with me and Alvie! Who’s in?” As he blipped away, several members of his Flock baaad their agreement.  
He arrived to find the summoning circle empty except for a slip of paper in the middle.  
Drifting over, he read it.  
“We are out of colored ink  
-Karen”  
Whoops.

Zalgo Traslations:  
Not  
Sorry, got a summoning be back soon!


End file.
